I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
