I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
