I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
