I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
