We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
