you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize