I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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