somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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