what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
