Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
