a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
