Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize