A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize