so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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