Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
birth control should be required to get into college
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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