I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
