Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
