im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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