HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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