he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
