I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
