; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You took a bar mat shot.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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