I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
