I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
