There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
