butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
