Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
