Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
