Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
