Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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