oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
