guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
