I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
only you would photoshop your dick
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
