Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
