i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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