She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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