Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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