God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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