Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
