Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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