I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
