now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
