She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
