I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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