Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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