plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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