Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
