If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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