I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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