ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
