I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
