I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
