I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
