dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
