His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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