You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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