Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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