the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
