I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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