some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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