ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
