went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
