I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
