plz talk dirty to me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
