She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
