did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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