I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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