at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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