sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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