Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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