were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
