i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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