I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
