Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We need to get me chipped asap
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
