i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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