every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
