if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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