Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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