He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
