how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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