i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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