She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
