plz talk dirty to me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
