youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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