all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
birth control should be required to get into college
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
