i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
