If that was your dad, he is hot
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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