Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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