If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
