It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
