so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
