Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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