i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".