I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up