Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
50% drunk capacity currently
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.