She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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