whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
